I cast all my cares upon you...

what does the bible say about jewels? I've had two people now speak about me and jewels in some manner...some sort of prophecy over my life-a vision even...

It really intrigues me and I've decided I am going to have to do some further research... hmmmm...



I listened to Joyce Meyers this morning...two podcasts and both were on attitude...people may think that I am positive all the time...I get called bubbly (which i hate) and any synonom to the same effect. Truth is that although generally a positive person I tend to have a small negative tendency that I struggle with constantly. This past year it's been ups and downs, on my knees begging God to literally help me please...and it was going fine. lately however I've let circumstances rule my thoughts and turn me, a generally happy, positive person into someone I am not.

now, i say this for a few reasons...as soon as I hit that path everything else changes...my outlook on my job, my home, relationships, everything. I've realized now that it may be something I will have to struggle with for a while longer but it's the recognition of this reality which is the greatest breakthrough.

Gary *our pastor* said in his sermon, and actually joyce said this morning as well...that we are new creations in Christ, bible says so, and when we accept that God is our personal saviour, that he died for us...we are new creations. It's in us...but that doesn't mean it's not still going to be a struggle as God changes us, as he transforms our hearts, our minds. And we can help obviously, reading the bible, surrounding ourselves with the right people...

I say all this for one further reason...Gary talked about what motivates us, what drives us and gives us the energy to go on. He used the example of the good samaritan...He concluded in the end that it's simply people. People motivate.

And here's the simple thing, in my life anyway...

if it's people that motivate me...if it's people that i'm living here on earth to reach (for God...) then if my attitude stinks, if i'm sad, if i can't function because of some thoughts that are ruling me...

then how am i going to reach them?

of these things i am uncertain

if i tell you the truth would you run?


and it plays in my head...

Kindly unspoken, you show your emotions, silence speak louder than words...

Of these things i'm sure...

of one thing I am absolutely confident. God sent His Son to earth where he, fully man, fully God was crucified, died, rose on the third day so that I may have eternal life. He did this because He loved me. He loves me.

Of that I am truly convinced.

Of the these things I am sure...

I am loved by God.
I am loved by my family.
I am loved by my friends...even when I am a complete dork.

Although I don't know how I will get there, where this fascinating, sometimes crazy life of mine will take me, I know for sure I will one day be with my heavenly father.

I am slightly strange.
I am a bit of a loner sometimes.
I thrive on people
I care....sometimes too much, sometimes in the wrong way.
I truly and deeply love and that makes me, me.

He is the Way, the Truth and the life and there is nothing i want to live for more

If I could be anywhere I'd be here...but with some way to bring all my friends and family near me just by clicking my heels maybe?

I know that I am made righteous because of Christ.

I am highly favoured, blessed.

I have eyes that change colour with my mood, my clothes, the weather and so filling out a form for eye colour is 30% true, 60% just a guess

I know where I was physically 9 years ago and where I am now...and how proud I should be.

I know where I was spiritually last year and where I am now and how humbled I should be.


I am redeemed.

I love music and want to learn violin...just need to get it from home...

I am 25 years old.

I am not the woman I once was...and I can't wait to meet the woman I will become.

why i feel loved...

If you knew me when I was younger maybe you would have wondered why I rebelled against the very idea of marriage, kids, staying home to be a mom. You would have likely looked at how I could hold a child in my arms and it would stop screaming. You would look at how the kids in the neighbourhood ran to me and jumped in my arms, giggling. You may have observed, as I got older, how my young cousins crawled up on my knee to read them a book, or how I chased them around the kitchen for hours playing game after game of hide and seek. You would have wondered why the very thought of that made me want to shutter, scream, and run as far away from it all as possible.

If you know me now you may wonder what changed.

Each day I observe people around me. The mother who takes her children to school. The father spending the day in town with his children. The couple walking hand in hand down the street. The older man grasping his wife's hand as he guides her across the street. Each day I observe these people and wonder when it will all be mine.

I think a lot has changed over the last couple of years. Some of the change was painful, some much needed and other aspects of change came quietly and as I look back I cannot pinpoint the moment when my thoughts, my heart grasped a new attitude, thought pattern or worldview.

Looking back I know now what was stopping me from dreaming about motherhood, being a wife...I didn't think I was worth it. Funny, my parents raised me to love myself, they loved me to death...and they taught me that God loved me too...And as I sit here and write these words I wonder what stopped me from accepting that. I guess I knew, yes, I was loved by those around me, but to an extent they had to love me. They were my parents, my family, my friends.

Then...I look at another aspect that was stopping me from wanting all of this. I grew up in a home where although there was not a lot of fighting there was tension. A tension that some days you could cut with a knife. I never wanted to voluntarily put myself into a situation like that...and because I didn't totally believe I was worth someone else choosing to love me.

That was until I really started to believe and accept the fact that God loved me. I was reading Psalm 116 and I just felt so loved...
2 Because he bends down to listen,

I will pray as long as I have breath!

How can we not feel loved. The God who created the universe, each and everything in it...bends down to hear my prayers.

That's just one example...but now, now I feel loved. The fact that now I want to get married, to have a marriage that glorifies God...that's actually a testament to God's love for me. That is just ONE way that revelation has been outworked in my life. Just one...